Friday, September 08, 2006


I am currently reading an amazing book, Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is a women's guide to her soul, and let me tell you they are right on. So far, in what I have read, they have tackled the hard issues of what women really long for and desire in their lives. They say that all women crave three things: to be romanced, adventure and to be the Beauty. Which, hello, is seriously so true.

I was reading Chapter 5 which dealt with Secret Hatred. They discussed abuse both physical and verbal and they also talked about a women's greatest fear -- abandonment. This one totally struck me hard and made me look at my life and the greatest struggles I have. Honestly, I think I can say most of my struggles and stumbling blocks I deal with in life from jealousy, trust and even my fear of the dark can be linked to this fear of abandonment. I never actually thought about it, but it makes a whole lot of sense.

I get jealous when a guy I am seeing talks highly and often of another woman because I fear he will find her more interesting than me and abandon me for her. And it's not that I would rather not hear about her, that's the farthest thing from the truth, and it actually would probably make me even more upset, but knowing this jealousy relates to my fear that he will abandon me makes me look more at the real problem of being left and how to get over it. The same thing goes for trust (although I think this one has more to do with past experiences, however, these experiences ultimately lead to me being abandoned). And as far as being scared of the dark, more than anything I'm afraid to be alone in the dark, or ABANDONED in the dark.

Growing up, I was blessed to always have my mother and father for support. Never once did I feel they had abandoned me or would abandon me; so it makes me wonder and conclude that this really is a fear of all women. And not a fear we have acquired through a hard childhood, but a real fear we are born with and as women have.

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