Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess,
I have two mounds upon my bodice.
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee,
Can justify any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon,
Can get a massage without a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas,
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.
My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long,
At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles at any cost,
And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an important date,
You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies with lots of gore,
Don't need instant replay to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I don't get jock itch,
And just 'cause I'm assertive,
Don't call me a Bitch.
I don't wear the same underwear everyday,
The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.
Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart,
Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art.
Don't say to your friends,
"Oh yeah, I can get her"-
In your dreams, my dear,
I can do better.
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Would you look at my face,
Not at my chest!
I don't have a problem
Expressing my feelings.
I know when you lie,
You look at the ceiling.
Don't call me a girl,
A babe or a chick.
I am a WOMAN,
Get it, you prick?!