A Poem to Us Girls

Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess,

I have two mounds upon my bodice.

I shave my legs, I sit down to pee,

Can justify any shopping spree.

Don't go to a barber, but a beauty salon,

Can get a massage without a hard-on.

I can balance the checkbook, can pump my own gas,

Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass.

My beauty's a masterpiece, and yes, it takes long,

At least I can admit to others when I'm wrong.

I don't drive in circles at any cost,

And I don't have a problem admitting I'm lost.

I never forget an important date,

You just gotta deal with it, I'm usually late.

I don't watch movies with lots of gore,

Don't need instant replay to remember the score.

I won't lose my hair,

I don't get jock itch,

And just 'cause I'm assertive,

Don't call me a Bitch.

I don't wear the same underwear everyday,

The food in my fridge has no sign of decay.

Don't burp, don't belch and I certainly don't fart,

Ballet, not football, is what I consider an art.

Don't say to your friends,

"Oh yeah, I can get her"-

In your dreams, my dear,

I can do better.

Flowers are okay,

But jewelry's best.

Would you look at my face,

Not at my chest!

I don't have a problem

Expressing my feelings.

I know when you lie,

You look at the ceiling.

Don't call me a girl,

A babe or a chick.

I am a WOMAN,

Get it, you prick?!